a dream realized

how many dreams come true are we granted in a lifetime? it strikes me that even one puts you squarely in the category of extremely fucking lucky – & here I currently sit, after winning a james beard award last week.

and so it went–
there was no question in my husband's mind that he'd be in new york to support me, and apparently, not in my dad's either; he surprises me shortly before the awards, handsomely suited and ticket in hand. they've both shown up to share this moment with me. remember this forever.

soon I'm at the ceremony flanked by the two most important men in my life, my inimitable colleagues surrounding, dominique and team indulging quasi-embarrassing tales of my adolescence courtesy of pops. fortunately, my nerves usurp any feeling I might otherwise have, and that story about me forgetting three trash bags of beer cans in our foyer for my parents to find is funny anyhow. bourdain and jonathan gold are, in their absence, acutely present, and the air in the room is thick with reverence. remember this.

then it's our category, and marcus samuelsson announces masterclass as the winner, and everything swirls for an instant before ian's kiss zaps me back into my body. I get to the mic, say a thing, I think in mostly the right way – only I forget to thank my parents and husband, who are, respectively, the reason I'm here and the reason any of this matters. as I realize, too late, I'm immediately armed with empathy for every actor who has moronically done the same. I am this moron. we leave the stage and are ushered to the step and repeat where a woman tells us to remove our nominee pins, because now we're winners. remember.

I feel a tap on my shoulder later and turn to find bill and yvonne kim, whose restaurant was the subject of my very first review. I was 23, deeply in love with the restaurant world and barely able to pay my rent. they're beaming, genuinely proud of this woman they haven't seen in years but somehow haven't forgotten, and the full-circleness of it leaves me stunned. I pivot to my men, speechless and brimming with gratitude, and the magnitude of the moment hits me. I'm crying, but it's in their eyes – teary, filled with pride – that I realize it. this I will remember forever.